“Don’t Make Me Slap You!”
Wow, hostile right out of the gate! Actually, there is a really cool story behind this title so bear with me for a sec…Back in the day I grew up in a little town called Joliet (South of Chicago and well-known for its prison 😉 and having spent so much time with my grandparents who were avid gardeners I too developed a love for nature, flowers and gardening in general. I was raised by a predominately Italian family filled with love that may have looked like anger sometimes but that is just how Italians talk.
My Aunt LeeAnn LaPaso who was well-known for her “don’t make me slap you/ yous” (yes, I sais yous, and still say it), the truth was she was a huge softy with all the love in the world, but she was not kidding, she might slap you.
Fast forward 20 years and I am a designer, installer, what ever, and I am noticing all of these crazy landscape jobs and do-it-yourselfers who are obviously struggling with their landscape decisions and as I am out on consultations with people who are asking for these grandiose landscapes but they live hectic lives and barely have time to brush their hair. I go home to my husband and I am stunned by the repeat offenders of the school of “biting off more than you can chew” and yet they don’t stop to ask, “how much of my time will this take up?”. The other very common problem is the infamous “I planted this plant in the wrong place so how do I fix it?”, but all I am hearing in my head is “Don’t make me slap you!” Now this comes from two places, one, I am genuinely concerned for your well-being, and the other is I really want to slap you.
WHY are YOU not looking at the available time you have and/or the potential budget you will need to maintain a particular landscape, and why aren’t you looking up the mature size of the plant you are about to put into the ground before you place it 6″ from the road, case in point…
Agave are swords dressed up as plants.
You’re going to poke someones eye out!
Here is another favorite,
This tree has low hanging branches that make this sidewalk impassable. Limbs needs to be several feet away from the sidewalk and several feet above (7′ at least) to avoid injury to the eyes or face of a passer-by. You are setting yourself up for a lawsuit otherwise.
I suppose you could do the limbo to add a little interest to your walk but the likelihood of that is pretty slim. More than not, you will hit this sucker on your evening walk and freak out like you walked into a spider web.
I guess I am just supposed to walk into the street…The sidewalk is just a buffer for this tree.
In this one I had to basically pull out into traffic to see if a car might hit me
So the moral to the story is that my husband and I had this great idea all those years ago that I would have a show called “Don’t make me slap you” where I went to landscaped yards or consultations and helped them fix the messes they, or the uneducated landscapers they trusted inflicted upon them. That never came to fruition but when I got on Twitter, I realized that it was a great opportunity to share these mistakes in a humorous and loving way, Italian style. If you are finding yourself stuck, overwrought or confused by your landscape decisions or inability to decide, call me at 512-733-7777 for a landscape consultation. My wo plus years of design and installation experience can save you thousands on costly mistakes.
So join me on my daily adventures in Central Texas gardening @LisaLaPaso for a lot of gardening fun and education infused with some smart assness and a whole lot of valuable information that will keep me from saying, “Don’t make me slap you”.
Now go get your Twitter on!